Growing Up is Hard to Do.
As a woman and their mother, I had always held the prerogative when it came to decisions about the boys. Their father hadn’t the energy or cared to give them much attention. Now, standing on the beach, I was bored with it. Tears spilled over and crashed down my cheeks telling me I had reached the depths of despair. I had hoped that by now they wouldn’t need all that synbatec, wastopaneer and tacise. How long would the pain go on? The swamp behind me smelled bad, like a carcass had died and rotted. I started walking along the beach, thinking. The ocean had always been a place where I felt close to God. The sun and sky, bigger than life, reminded me of how insignificant I was.
The dawn, brilliant pink and orange rays shining across the sky, made the bitter taste of my medicine almost sweet. The magnificence of the sunrise made me realize I was indispensable. I started to feel some comfort in the scene before me. I almost swallowed the last of the water in my bottle and sat down in the sand, feeling the cool water of the ocean with my hands as I heard the waves crash on the surf. The salt spray smelled fresh and clean. I remembered other visits to the beach when the boys were younger and needed me even more. I thought about how soon they’d be on their own and wouldn’t need me at all. I remembered toddlers running and giggling, eager smiling faces looking into mine. The sun peeked out. At the last minute I spit the bitter medicine out as I realized that I wanted to live.
That is the end of my story. Here is what Rachael Harrie of the author platform building campaign said.
Now for the Challenge (and please note the word count change!):
Write a blog post in 300 words or less, excluding the title. The post can be in any format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings, poem, etc. The blog post shouldshow:
- that it’s morning,
- that a man or a woman (or both) is at the beach
- that the MC (main character) is bored
- that something stinks behind where he/she is sitting
- that something surprising happens.
Just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: “synbatec,” “wastopaneer,” and “tacise.” (NB. these words are completely made up and are not intended to have any meaning other than the one you give them).
I gave the imaginary words connotations to mean time, love, consideration, compassion, understanding and all other characteristics needed for a good mother that provides for the needs of her children. It has 286 words and involves all the five senses as she suggested.
Related articles
- Campaigner’s Second Challenge: Imago, the Goal (clarbojahn.wordpress.com)
- The First Campaigner Challenge (clarbojahn.wordpress.com)
great job on that challenge!
LikeLike
Thanks, Suzicate! 🙂
LikeLike
Children really are worth living for. Great story!
LikeLike
Yes, they’re everything to me and apparently the mother in the story, too. 🙂
Thanks, Mel!
LikeLike
I enjoyed this entry very much. Great job!
LikeLike
Thanks, Brinda, for the encouragement.
LikeLike
Wow, didn’t expect the ending. Thought the bitter pill, tasting almost sweet was a metaphor at first. Very different and compelling. – Patricia
LikeLike
Thanks, Patricia. Wish I had gotten it together for a metaphor. I am meeting so many good writers and reading so many good stories. If you have time go to Rachael’s blog and read some of them. I don’t hold a candle.
LikeLike
Wow I loved it. Very sad, but I really enjoyed reading it. I couldn’t stop reading when I started. Wonderful take on the challenge 🙂
I’m entry #5
LikeLike
Thank you, Jessica. Glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
LikeLike
Lovely descriptions of the sunrise, and so sad. Glad she spit the poison out. Great job.
LikeLike
Yeah, I’m glad she spit it out, too. 🙂
LikeLike
Ooo, I got a shiver as I read the last line. Beautifully revealed, I wasn’t expecting it at all. Great descriptions – very vivid imagery. Lovely job.
LikeLike
Thanks, KT. I’ll go read yours now.
LikeLike
Nice job and a happy ending besides. Mine is #56
LikeLike
Thanks, I’ll pop over and read your’s as soon as I can.
LikeLike
Lovely descriptions and beautiful yet heartbreaking story. For her to feel so melancholy and then realize she wants to live, just breathless. Great job 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks, Alynza. Yes, the feeling of life on her senses made her realize there was so much to it. And so she changed her mind. 🙂
LikeLike
Wow! Great job on the challenge, Clar!
LikeLike
Thanks, Susanna!
Are you going to enter?
LikeLike
That’s an effective entry to write. Loved how you described the pill. 🙂
LikeLike
bittersweet. Like parenting. Now it’s mostly sweet. 🙂
LikeLike
Wow, so glad she chose life! Loved the description *sniffles* as it reminds me of me & my girls. 😉
LikeLike
Aaww..aaww.. Sounds like there might be more to it.
Thanks for the good word. 🙂
LikeLike
I loved this! It was absolutely riveting. What creative use of the words 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks, Angie. Glad you liked it. 🙂
LikeLike
This is very powerful stuff. I loved the description of the toddlers, just beautiful.
Mine is #25.
LikeLike
Thank you, Jen. Now I’ll go read yours.
LikeLike
so difficult to do the challenge, I’m sure. ‘Showing’ not ‘telling’ is key in effective writing
LikeLike
I agree. The original post that ran the contest called this “showing ‘ and not ‘telling”. Including the five senses were key in showing not telling. One can’t describe life through the senses by telling I don’t think.
Thanks for stopping by. Your comment is appreciated and welcome. 🙂
LikeLike
Very compelling read,Clar- jam-packed with sensory details that kept me right in the scene with you. Lots of universal appeal for any mother.You had me hooked. Great job!
LikeLike
Thanks, Kathleen, I love it that it clicked with you.
Appreciate you stopping by and commenting. 🙂
LikeLike
We must have been in similar places when taking on this challenge… I, too, had pills. I’m just getting around now to see everyone’s posts. This was a hard one, and you did really well. Check out mine, #118, if you get a chance.
LikeLike
Thanks, I’ll go and check you out right now. 🙂 I’m eager to see how you translated it.
LikeLike
Growing up IS scary. Over and over again
LikeLike
Yes, and It’s so true all of us must do it again and again as you say. I’m sure this story resonated with you and the patients you come in contact with.
LikeLike