Why do you write? Would you keep on writing if no one read your stuff? I would. I have to write. That is why I have three file cabinets full of it. But it isn’t all for other people. Some of it is secret stuff. Stuff I don’t want anyone to see or read. Some of that stuff is just for me. Me figuring out stuff on my own. You see? I write for insights, I write for myself to see what I think about stuff. Some of it I can talk about but most I need to write about to see first. Are any of you like that?
I loved learning Liz Gilbert from “Eat, Pray and Love” had a secret notebook that she wrote in to herself. I found a kinswoman. A fellow traveler like me. She asked questions of herself and answered herself in the notebooks. I don’t go that far. I don’t need to. I just start writing and answers come from me or God. Liz also wonders about where the answers come from. She says her higher self. Isn’t that God?
Since my mother died I have been kinda lost on the God trail. I have stopped praying and I don’t meditate. Although I keep trying to do both it doesn’t answer a need. I used to be quite religious or spiritual. Whatever one would say about someone who went to many church meetings, all the services and helped out at all the functions and then had time to pray and read religious literature. I prayed all the time. Before meals after meals before bed when I woke up. I would read my daily word upon waking and find solace and comfort and kinship. I loved my friends at church. Then I left.
I thought I would could find a better church in the community somewhere else. Somewhere that spoke to me better. I thought I could find God better somewhere else. I was so wrong. I got lost instead. I am still lost. I know if I prayed, God would find me. I don’t pray. I don’t meditate. I think I got hurt there… at the church where I thought I could find God better. The pastor hurt me by petty grievances but I can’t forgive him. I keep hurting myself by not praying or reading spiritual literature. The only thing that helps is my writing. My journaling. There I find myself. I find me.
What do you think of my journey? Do you find God in your writing? I have written about journaling before here and here, and you have been generous with your comments. Please do so again. I love hearing from you. And this is a very serious subject to me. I would love to hear from you.
see you Friday! Don’t forget! This is the second Tuesday to get a new MG book from my friend Stuart Stadt called Henry on Fire! All you need to do is comment and follow me and I will draw your name from a hat. Also if you’d rather win a copy of my book “Annie’s Special Day.” I can autograph it and send it to you with love. Just let me know which book you’d rather have.
XXOO Also Just a reminder. I’m in Texas this week so will not be able to comment right away. Stay tuned for photos and other good news next week!
© 2013 Clara Bowman-Jahn/ Clarike Bowman-Jahn